| Having suffered with an eating disorder for 36years I am now completely healed. I didn't know it could be possible.
I found my healing through tapping in to my feelings and no longer using food to numb my hurt or comfort me. I learnt to stick with pain and not try to run away from it either through starving or bulimia. It was a very long road.
I had years of being in and out of hospital and being force fed. I was made to feel guilty by misguided people who thought I should stop being so selfish. I tried to explain the fear I felt when I put food in my mouth - it was like putting in a loaded revolver and waiting for it to go off. I felt suicidal and fullof self-hate.
However, I now realise that past abuse as a child made me feel worthless, afraid and humiliated. I felt too scared even to breathe in case I was abused. I was like a little mouse wanting to be invisible. I wasn't kind to myself. I was a perfectionist and couldn't accept myself. I was brought up to believe - perfection only - was good enough. Because I couldn't be perfect I felt a failure.
The turning point for me was going along to a Catholic priest who JUST LISTENED AND LET ME BE ME. He didn't try to tell me what to eat. He didn't tell me how I SHOULD feel. He allowed me to be ME. i STARTED TO ACCEPT MY FEELINGS AS BEING PART OF ME - NOT SOMETHING SEPERATE. I started to OWN MY FEELINGS AND TRY TO COME TO TERMS WITH HOW I FELT.
Together with my new catholic faith, the blessed sacraments, the anointing of oils for the sick, the history of the suffering saints that taught me about perseverance and suffering and a course of dynamic pyscotheraphy finally got me into a place where I could learn to shake hands with myself and become a friend to myself instead of trying to destroy myself.
I started to come to terms with my problems without using food as a prop. I found different ways of thinking how to handle situations and gradually food just became what it should be - part of my life - to keep me well. Not the be all and end all of my existence where every calorie mattered and I was weighing myself or being sick.
I just want to say it is possible to get over an eating disorder. TAP INTO YOUR TRUE FEELINGS AND LEARN TO COMMUNICATE THEM TO OTHERS AND ALLOW YOUR FEELINGS TO BE PART OF YOU. It is only when we acknowledge who we truly are and how we truly feel that we can learn to accept ourselves and true inner peace comes with gradually loving oneself and seeing that we are as important as anyone else. WE HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE AND A RIGHT TO BREATHE. We don't have to earn it. God loves us just as we are and He created us to live for Him. No one is a waste of space. EVERYONE HAS A VALUE! Love in Jesus Linda Loo xxxx |
